


No.19 Grief

by LiGi



Series: Whumptober 2020 [19]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Implied/Referenced Character Death, Sad Ending, Whumptober 2020, after lancelot's death, no 19, this one makes me cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28033932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiGi/pseuds/LiGi
Summary: Whumptober 2020 no 19 - Grief/Mourning a Loved OneMerlin after Lancelot's funeral.
Relationships: Lancelot & Merlin (Merlin), Lancelot/Merlin (Merlin)
Series: Whumptober 2020 [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2053113
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37





	No.19 Grief

**No. 19 – Grief / Mourning a Loved One**

Gwaine walked Merlin back up to Gaius’s chambers, his arm around Merlin’s shoulders. For once he wasn’t talking.

Merlin tripped along at his side, his mind back in the courtyard. He could still hear the crackling of the pyre. Still smell the smoke. Still hear Arthur’s words ringing in his ears.

_His courage. His compassion. His unselfish heart._

He could barely see for the tears. Gwaine opened the door for him, giving his arm a final squeeze. Merlin nodded his thanks, not sure he could speak through the lump in his throat.

Gaius looked up from his bench as Merlin stumbled into the room.

“My boy,” he said softly, putting his book down and walking over, enveloping Merlin in a firm hug. The tears poured down Merlin’s face as he let himself be overtaken by sobs.

Gaius patted his back as he cried. Harsh gulping cries that tore from his very heart. He felt like he was breaking, his body numb as his soul cracked open. Every fibre of his being _hurt_.

“Lancelot was a great man,” Gaius said, his voice solemn. “He shall be missed by all.”

Merlin gripped tighter to the back of Gaius’s robe, his hands squeezing the fabric as if by holding tight enough he could keep himself together. He was falling apart. Gaius held him close, his hand now cupping the back of Merlin’s head.

He didn’t know how long he stood in Gaius’s arms, but there was a sizable wet patch on the front of his robes when Merlin pulled back, gulping and hiccoughing the last of his sobs.

“Do you want anything, my boy?”

Gaius pushed him away gently, one hand on his shoulder, the other tilting his chin up. His own eyes reflected back the grief that Merlin felt. Merlin shook his head, more hot tears slipping down his cheeks.

“I just need to be alone,” Merlin rasped. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” Gaius patted his back again.

Merlin trudged up the stairs to his bedroom, his feet heavy. His room was the same as it had been before they left for the Isle of the Blessed. His bed still neatly made, his clothes still hanging on the line strung across the corner of the room. As if nothing had changed.

When in reality, everything had.

He sank down into his chair, his hands falling loosely to his lap. The tears came again. He could do nothing to stop them. They poured down his face, hot and fast, tickling his jaw as they dripped off his chin. His chest hurt so much, his throat constricting so that his breaths came out gasped and choked. He wanted to scream.

He curled in on himself, shaking like a leaf. Pain burned through his heart.

“I miss you,” he whispered. “Lancelot.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry. I am now crying. Thank you for reading.


End file.
